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Sometimes the heart speaks itself silently :|

Feeling : The current mood of nadinecamille at
Listening to: Ako'y sayo at Ika'y akin lamang?
Thinking Of: -_- too many to mention.
Eating/Drinking: Got no appetite. Don't want to eatT_T

Hello. It's been a long while I haven't posted:) Been to busy with thesis and research and ugh, more school stuff. Well anyway I'm dropping by with this post today. Remember, before? Along with my posts was my plans of creating a website for Christian? Remember about the sweet note for him? I was going to post it but I'm going to make another instead, and about the site, i'll do it later cuz we're still caught up with school thing-thingsssss.

I fell in love with your eyes the first time I saw you. At that moment, I was intruiged of your angelique smile. I wanted to know you, I wanted to own you- but I couldnt. I was tangled with another guy, at that time confused and unfortunate for me i had to be with him, for i was scared to love you; many girls surrounded you like crazy, how i envied them that they can let you know they like you and be happy:]

I was foolish at that time. Let myself fall to a wrong path. I was to fragile that with my confused heart i broke my own heart, myself, and i was scattered into pieces. most of the time when i was with the other guy..

we became friends after a while, and each time we talked, how i wanted to kill myself slowly knowing you would never be mine. how i envied her they said she's the one you liked, what else? loved?

but no i was wrong after all. the moment the guy i trusted let go of my hand to misery you came along. An angel in disguise was my angel indeed, that was when i found out i was the one you liked all along. That like the first day, the first time you laid your eyes on me - you wanted to know me, you wanted me yours for there was something unique looking in each other's eyes.

it wasn't long until we belonged to each other, it was the best moment of my life. More than happy I could be, more than loving you could be..

But things changed in a matter of time the first time you thought i was liking another guy than you - which wasn't true. I tried to convince you but we kept having arguements because of him, as he was my bestfriend. but i tried and tried, unfortunately it's never forgotten. although it's not what we argue about anymore. But that was when everything changed, because since then, we had so many battles and tears. The second time was with you getting involved with a girl who liked you, but after a while i got over it (well, i think i did.)

then the third, then the nth. Probably the nights when you fell asleep while we were at the verge of our discussions where also part of those. and my moments of childishness, selfish thoughts, cold nights.

i became childish, i became selfish and self centered. now, all i keep waiting for is for you to please me when i was mad. when i was very sad, when i was not alright. but it rarely happened. maybe once or twice.

i miss you and i both. i miss the once or twice that you hugged me when i was mad instead of interrogating why i kept quiet. why i always explain to you when i want to be quiet it means i'm not alright, it means I NEED YOUR COMFORT, it means i want a hug. no matter how pointless i am, because as a girl, i want to be a princess, can't you be my prince too?

i don't want to ever have another, i swear. and i'm sorry for being me, like this, not your patient girl that you had before. i just thought you knew me more, i'm not always patient, i'm not always ms. happy all the way because i'm human enough to feel cold at days i don't like what's happening, what i hear, what i see, i feel.

forgive me i ignore you. forgive me that i love you and if i hurt you still.

now, there were about more than thrice we argued and almost had a break up. but i never give up no matter how much arguements really, it's just that i'm confident you'll stay beside me. at those times, there was never a time that we didn't plead each other to make up because we didn't want to have pain through the night, when we were apart.

forgive me if don't talk much when i'm upset, forgive me i expect you already know at those moments i talk to myself in my mind and think things over, that i suddenly become quiet at times ... at times there are really things i don't like, and i wanted you to notice that without me telling you - i thought you could, but you always couldn't. forgive me making you a mind reader and fortune teller or so.

i want to believe in us forever you know, it's not you, it's not me.
i don't know, i just..*silence*

You're the only one i wanna grow old with. You're the only one i wanna be with, lifetime, infinite time..