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...a letter of a teary eyed daughter.

Feeling : The current mood of nadinecamille at

This goes to my mom.

I know, that you're tired already when you get home, i know you're tired doing house chores, i know most times you're so tired of your life - but i wish you'd pay respect to me too, even as your daughter. When dad was away, i became more close to you mom. I learned to share responsibilities and even if i was fed up of your negative stories, and your endless office stories, i stay closed and told you everything i felt. i even told you when christian and i hurt me. I encouraged you at times you were complaining how you say your life is "messy", "troublesome" and about how you're having problems with our endless debts. But a week after dad came back, why have you gone so cold? It's as if I lost a bestfriend. I was hurt when I was just sharing you something I was eager you'd be interested with, but it's not just that, i just said an uuber mild joke and then you tell me rude things :'| I was hurt. So much hurt. And even every morning you always find something to notice in me, when i've been already always like that. I always do what you ask me too, i always tell you what you want ---i've given you my whole trust of that being my mom, but why, why do you have to be like this. I know that recently, you found out you had an illness, but it's not that serious come on! it's just headache and some headspins, and MIND OVER MATTER, mom. I hate that ALL THE TIME you are so negative. Both Dad and I share you something we learned, we experienced, but you always return negative thoughts, PROBLEMS, and more PROBLEMS, this and that, that it can't be like this, it cant be like that. NEVER will it be like that. And it's just so tiring, sometimes, i just want to cover up my ears and cry, because, i always want everyone to think positive, i try my best to cheer everyone but when it comes to you -ugh! it's endless. even dad is getting pissed off, lucky you he's more patient now.
If he wasn't, i wouldn't be able to have peace at home i bet.

I miss you when we were closer, cuz now, when i try to talk to you - you give me back cold looks, cold company, cold talk -everything cold. that it makes me want to cry, i even realized that its as if, you're only using me to make you forget that dad's away. You must've forgotten that you're my mom, just because you now have someone who'd take your side, who's supposed to be on mine; It was you but now I feel it's not you - not anymore, or ever, or at all. You're supposed to be my mom, i'm your daughter, how can you not feel how hurt i will be. Now, even dad takes your side when you're so wrong, you're making your your so called illness an alliby.

I know, in the past i've made most mistakes and i know how much you see my effort - or do you? or are you faking me? i feel as if i'm a gazillion miles away from you just after we've built our bond. that was easily fractured.

But you, you'll always be my mom. Because without you, i wouldn't be breathing or even existing right now. I'm just wishing you'll see your teary-eyed daughter right now, i wish you'd feel her tormented heart :[

Its amazing how people change in an instance.
..and how they easily turn away from you too.

Hmm. Imma post this because my mom won't read this,
never will she because my parents really don't give much
time checking me up here, it's more possible dad will see this.
and never will mom know that i'm hurt. but everything will be okay
i'll be okay, i'll stay quiet. i'll stay hopeful. things will be better, okaay!


I MISS MY MOM. when she was nicer. when she felt how i felt :(